Letter to my Future Wife

‘Sola Fagorusi

As it is now, I can submit that I have been graced beyond measures by a great family – one in which the principal thing (love) flows uninhibited. I was nursed in an atmosphere where the collective good remained the most important. My parents watched my back. They still do. My siblings, all boys do same and vice versa. What was bothersome to one was bothersome to all. The joy of one was the joy of all. Today 30th April, 2013, it dawned on me that the founders of that home, my parents, have spent 30 years together building an institution. It has been 3 decades of building a home in the house. There is a difference between the two!

I am happy at what this represents for them; I congratulate them and thought to spare a thought for you – my future wife. I am not exactly sure of where you are seated right now. I can’t tell what colour of attire you are adorning. I am in the dark as to what exactly would constitute real happiness for you. I am uncertain about the names you would want your children, our children, to bear. All I am definite of is your existence and your desire to also have a home to call yours some day. 

Like every other straight thinking man, I hope to make a good husband, have children, be a good father and friend to them. I have aspirations and hope to be part of the national reconstruction of this edifice called Nigeria. My forte is not romance. I am as naive as they come. For those who know, I consistently retook that elective – Moz 101 throughout my five sessions in the university without success. I may have failed at that but I am certain not to fail in the discharge of my duties as a boyfriend, fiancé, husband and father when the time comes. Add grandfather to the list as well. 

I still don’t appreciate music the way I think I should. Beyond using the sound to drown the silence of my environment, only few rhythms would cause me to shake my head. Maybe with you something will change. I am not likely to ask that we go see a musical show together. Nay! Maybe, you will and trust that like a lamb being led to the slaughter, I will follow you. But guess what, I am crazy about the stage. I love to see actors and actresses on the stage give live performances. I love the theatre. I derive visual excitement from this. Unlike a sizeable number of my friends, I am yet to come to terms with watching 22 adults run after a ball for 90 minutes. Athletics however give me the same measure of excitement. I caught myself during the last Olympics jumping, punching the air and cheering my favourite track athletes to victory several miles away from them. 

My heart is racy with expectations. Dear future wife, I need ’us’ to promise ‘us’ that, God willing, 30 years from now, we would in each other’s arms armed with the appropriate dose of laughter read this. I may not fall within the imagery of your dream man. I don’t have bulging muscle neither do I the now legendary 6 packs. I have had the honour of several lovely female friends. I am still friends with them and their hubbies, for the married ones. I also have a large pool of male friends I can always rely on and a number of adults I run to for advice and counsel. I think you also deserve to know that I have a mentor who looks out for me as well. You should meet him soon. I promise to part ways often with Zara. Having to be with her is why I stay up most nights. Zara ensures letters like this come out. She is a dependable ally. My hands and eyes find comfort with her. I only wish she didn’t need electricity for daily survival. Dear future wife, I will love you beyond what you may have seen in Nollywood, Hollywood, Ghollywood, ‘Sollywood’ or Kannywood. As to Bollywood, I cannot promise since I have awful dance steps and can’t sing more than a few songs from beginning to the end. 

Dear future wife, this is the second love note I would be writing in my years of existence. Remind me to tell you how the first one turned out. I promise it will crack you and we would together laugh for days about it. One more thing dear, I grew up knowing I didn’t like onions. I still can’t explain why. Everyone in my home loves it. I am the odd one out. I carefully pick them out of my meal or simply swallow then when I can’t do so. Maybe you have a solution for it or we will find one together. 

I am not hoping to marry a cook, a laundry girl, a house cleaner and a domestic aid. No, that’s not the deal. I am not discounting that these will have to be done but your responsibility is more than that. I grew up watching my parents share roles at home and I hope to do same. There was a no-go area for my father and I can guess confidently that it must have been one of the reasons why they are still together. Dear future wife, I know you will have dreams and I promise to help you keep them alive. I am not going to be satisfied having people see me as the only successful of the two. I hope to also be introduced as the husband of a successful woman. Let me also chip in that if you desire to keep your maiden name, I will have no objection to that. It’s up to you. Now, this is the liberal me talking thanks to my socialisation process. Guess what, I once fiddled with the thought of me being the one to change my name to yours! Just some weird thought of mine. I thought it would be fun but then, this is still a deeply cultural society. Nevertheless, where your tribe, state of origin or dialect would not be a yardstick as long as you can speak English! And I also hope that like my parents, if need be, we would sacrifice part of our dreams so that those of our children can find wings. 

One more important thing honey, I am a Christian and I believe the shortest distance between a problem and finding solution is the same as the distance between the knees and the ground. We would pray together to make sure things happen the way God desires it for us. I see my parents do this a lot and I hear them express the desires of their heart to a God who understand all things. 

Congratulations Signor and Signora Fagorusi for three long decades of a happy and successful home. I will never forget that you introduced me to the magic of literature with those novels tucked in our bookshelves. Dear future wife, I hope you meet this wonderful duo soon, same way I long to be part of your own family. 

Till me meet on the aisle and are declared husband and wife, it’s your future husband writing.

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